TODAY I AM SEVENTY YEARS OLD January 29, 2004

Fr. Emilio Pablo, CMF
I have prepared myself to celebrate this event in my life. I have read many books about problems, crisis, and psychology of old age. After all the readings and discernment I found myself saying: “Don’t go to retrogression, but to progression”, and: “Don’t look backwards, but always forward.”

In June 2003 I left Bunguiao, a village 30 kilometers from Zamboanga City, where I had spent the last 22 years of my life as novice master. No farewells, silently without being noticed, I packed the few belongings and transferred to Claret Parish in Zamboanga. In 22 years as novice master, I had the privilege and the difficult mission of training hundreds of young Claretians for the missionary life. Almost all Filipino Claretians of today experienced their first steps as missionaries through my ministry.

But there is more than the novitiate connected to that place. I was leaving behind hundreds of families that I had helped through different projects: animal dispersal, loans to purchase land and for small store openings to start small businesses. There were hundreds of students for whom I had provided scholarships – many of them professionals today.

I left 10 massagists with their well accommodated families and successful in different kind of endeavors. But, especially, I left behind many thousands of patients who found relief and were cured from their sicknesses through reflexotherapy.

When talking with the Superior Provincial, I volunteered some advice on how to deal with senior Claretians. And I had a request: “Please, do not give me any assignment or position. In my 41 years in the Philippines –I said– I had gone through all positions, from Superior Provincial to my present assignment, and I don’t want to go to “retrogression.” He granted my request. And free from immediate assignments I started looking for new alternatives, to start life again, to find the will of God for me.

Recently I went to Spain to celebrate the 50th anniversary of my evangelical Profession as a Claretian missionary. I met there some of my former co-novices, now working in different parts of the world. We gathered in Vic, near Barcelona, the birth place of our Congregation; we visited the chapel where the body of our founder, St. Anthony M. Claret rests. There we made our retreat and at the end we renewed our commitment to fidelity till the end. In my heart I was saying: “Claret, after 50 years here I am. Send me again.”

From Vic I went to Zaragoza. In our community there was a letter waiting for me, coming from Indonesia. They were requesting me to take care of the novices there for two months. My first reaction was: “no retrogression!” On the envelope there vas a note of my Superior Provincial from the Philippines suggesting that I need not accept that invitation. So, the letter went to the wastebasket.

On the way to the Philippines, I visited the Claretians in Rome. There I met my Superior Provincial and the Delegate Superior of our mission in Indonesia. Again the invitation and this time the dialogue ended with a not so sure “no”.

Upon reaching the Philippines, Fr. Eduardo Monge, the novice master in Indonesia, called me up:
- Pablo, come as soon as possible… I am leaving for vacation.
I answered:
- Eduardo, if it is only to take care of the novices, I will not accept. I have made my decision not to turn back… If you want me there it will mainly be to look for discernment for my future… I want to start anew.
He insisted:
- I am waiting for you.

So I went. Upon arrival in West Timor I gave classes to the novices for two months. Meantime I also took the opportunity to visit families. Their poverty is dehumanizing, their houses so poor, and the land so barren. I was moved to a deep compassion when I saw that in many families there were sick people, even several in a small place. I could not wait any longer and started offering them the services of reflexotherapy. The positive results were evident immediately, and soon after more patients were knocking at our door. It became impossible to attend to all of them. Hurriedly I trained the 18 novices. A few days later the number of patients reached 300. I trained 12 more lay people, two Claretian priests and two Brothers Pastoralists. The last Sunday I was there we treated 648 patients, coming from as far as 250 kilometers.

That was a very strong sign for me.

During my two months stay in Indonesia I could also visit our young Claretian missionaries. The words of the Lord came to my mind: “They are like sheep without a shepherd.” Several communities with two newly ordained priests and one or two pastoralist – with no experience of community life, no pastoral experience, no senior Claretian to accompany them, to guide and share with them the Claretian way of life, and help them in their on-going formation.

This was a second strong sign for me.

One day I was giving a talk to the professed Claretian students and sharing with them my experience in Indonesia. At the end of the talk I said to them:
- Rasanya saya mau kembali ke Indonesia. (I feel like coming back to Indonesia). Saya sungguh sungguh jatuh cinta kepada Indonesia. (I have really falling in love with Indonesia).

I was still talking to them when someone approached me:
- Father, Father General is on the phone; he wants to talk to you.
I thought to myself: “Was he listening to me…?”

And this was the talk:
- Hello, my General, anything new?
He answered:
- Yes, I am looking for personnel for Indonesia and I have thought of you as one of them…What do you think?
I answered immediately:
- I don’t think of anything, Father General. I am ready and willing. I had reached a personal discernment and decision but I needed the mission from you… Okay, no problem.
He added:
- So, go back to the Philippines, arrange your things, and then go to Indonesia as soon as possible… okay?
- Very much okay, my General…always at your service.

After that, I experienced that a new life was born in me.

When the news reached my Brother Claretians in the Philippines I met different reactions. They were wondering about the challenge and if I could really take it.

First, was the language. But in my two months over there, I experienced what I had heard and read many times: that the first language the missionary must master, is not the spoken language, but the language of the eyes and the language of the heart. Compassion and love for people.

Second, was the age factor. I have to admit that chronologically I am old already. Psychologically though I feel that I am young enough to love and serve people.

In this new adventure I am conscious that I am confronted with a more thrilling and even painful challenge, and this is to go through a second “death experience”: new language, new people, new customs, new country… and to start there a new life. That is the price I am willing to pay as a result of making Christ and people come really first in my heart and life.

I have always been fond of stories that reflect and inspire the different moments of my life. Today I choose the story of an old woman who started a pilgrimage to a high, almost inaccessible mountain. As she was on her way up there, a heavy rain caught her on the way. She took refuge in an inn. The inn keeper asked her:
- Where are you going?
- I have to climb that mountain over there.
- But the road is so stiff and dangerous… and you are already old. It will be impossible!
- Impossible?...Not at all – it will not be impossible. My heart has always been there. All I have to do now is to bring my body up there.

In my long years as formator I have taught my formandi that the language of Jesus when challenged by the greatest difficulties was never, “I cannot”, but always, “I must.”

Today I am seventy years old and my missionary language is still: “I MUST!”…go to Indonesia.

Emilio Pablo, cmf